Where I Belong
by Mari Riddle-Potter
Summary: Sometimes all a person needs is the feeling of belonging and being loved…Harry/Ginny, Draco/Ginny.


Title: Where I Belong 

By: Mari Riddle-Potter (a.k.a. malfoys_girlfriend)

Date: April 25, 2003

Summary: Sometimes all a person needs is the feeling of belonging and being loved…Harry/Ginny, Draco/Ginny.

Disclaimer: I don't own them. They all belong to J.K. Rowling.

Authors Note: This has to be the saddest fiction I have ever written. I don't think I'll ever write anything like it again. So just read on and leave a review.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Ginny's P.O.V. 

            I lay in my bed, a fluffy quilt wrapped tightly around my naked body. I stare at the ceiling trying to clear my mind of all depressing thoughts, attempting in vain to enjoy this special moment. I wanted to feel satisfaction for what I had done even though it went against my beliefs. This is what I had always wanted to do…with Harry. He was here next to me, sound asleep. I can't bear to look at him, so my eyes remain locked on the ceiling. Don't get me wrong, I love him, but what I was looking for tonight was a feeling of belonging. I wanted to feel as though I was meant to be with him. Of course, I'm not, because he doesn't love me the way I love him. His feelings for me run more along the lines of friendship and gratitude. My place is not with him but somewhere else. Or maybe there's just no place for me at all. I have never belonged anywhere. I am the only girl in a group of six brothers, raised in a house that has always treated me as the anomalous one. I thought my first year at Hogwarts would help matters. I pictured it as a place where I would finally feel wanted and at home. It turns out I opened the Chamber of Secrets, let out a lethal Basilisk, and got a bunch of people petrified. My classmates weren't too fond of me after that. Nobody wanted to talk to me or even be in the same dormitory with me. The girls I shared a dorm with tried to convince Professor Dumbledore to give me a separate room. He refused to do so and for that I was thankful. Now in my fifth year I have a couple of friends, or whom I am more likely to refer to as people who feel sorry for me. As all these random thoughts float around I feel tears stinging my eyes. I would normally suppress them, but I don't feel like going through the trouble.

            One specific memory makes a violent sob escape my throat. I remembered the first person to show romantic interest in me. You would think it was Neville or Seamus, maybe even Colin- but no. He was tall and blond with silver colored eyes and a muscular body- Draco Malfoy. He began flirting with me early in my fourth year at Hogwarts. I thought his intention was to be funny but I was wrong. He confessed his feelings for me on the Astronomy Tower one day in February. Draco said that he had attempted to ignore it but no matter how hard he tried, the truth was he loved me. What hurt me wasn't that he uttered those exposing words, it's that I believed him. After that he became my sun and earth- my main motive for living. We would meet in the Astronomy Tower often, sometimes in the library or in the corridors late at night. We went as far as exchanging house passwords. This continued for the rest of my fourth year, all of my summer (we sent each other quixotic love letters), and the beginning of my fifth year. Our relationship ended in a harsh and spiteful way. I was in the Gryffindor Common Room around three in the morning when an idea occurred to me. I decided to go see Draco in his room and maybe even play around a bit. He and I hadn't had sex because it was against my beliefs. I wanted to wait until I was married and oddly enough he respected that. Whispering the password to the Slytherin Dungeon, I pushed open the door. I crept silently up the stairs to the boys' dormitories. Draco had his own private room his father bought him. It was located at the end of the hall and had a sign up that said "Do Not Disturb". I reached for the doorknob to his bedroom and slowly turned it, grinning at the thought of how surprised he was going to be when he saw me. My smile quickly faded as I took in the scene before me. Draco was in bed but he wasn't alone. A girl with long black hair and the body of a supermodel was on top of him, kissing him with a passion I had only seen in movies. They were both naked, savoring each other and looking as though they were having a blast. He didn't see me or the look of hurt on my face or my pale features. I closed the door and left as silently as I had come. 

            That's just the way it ended for us. I sent Draco an owl telling him I couldn't be with him anymore and why. He never answered it, we just simply stopped speaking. I cried myself to sleep for months even though I tried hard not to. In front of people I acted as though everything was perfect- nobody knew I had been Draco's girlfriend, which would've caused a scandal of massive proportions. I tried to help myself get pieced together emotionally by hanging out with Parvati Patil and Lavender Brown, the popular girls at school. I dressed, acted, talked, and skipped classes just like they did. Everything was going fine except I wasn't happy. This wasn't who I was or who I wanted to be. Things changed for me when we got caught out of school in Hogsmeade. I was almost kicked out of school for the infraction. Professor Dumbledore let me stay, however, because he was convinced I was a young girl who was headed in the wrong direction and that dismissing me from school would only worsen matters. To the teachers it seemed as though he was rewarding me because he gave me my own room and hired a psychologist. Where were my parents during all this, you ask? They were so ashamed of me that they left all my issues in Dumbledore's hands and told him to punish me as he saw fit. I felt like an orphan- the worst feeling I had ever encountered. I didn't belong at home, in Hogwarts, with Draco, or with the popular girls. My mission to fit in was getting rockier as my selection narrowed because I was not at home anywhere.

            All this leads me to what happened here in my room tonight with Harry. We became close friends instantly one night after he broke up with Hermione. He poured his heart out to me and told me of all the girlfriends he'd had and how each one of them had only brought about pain. I sat there with him in the Gryffindor Common Room late at night and listened to his every word, eager to make everything better for him but I knew I couldn't. We continued to meet every once in a while and have deep discussions. It made him feel better but it made me have an annoying feeling of uncertainty as my old crush for him resurfaced. Our closeness scared me because I never thought he would trust me like I trusted him. It isn't until now that I realize that that by telling me his deepest, darkest secrets he trusted me. Tonight was an unexpected night. I went to sleep after studying for my Potions exam when somebody lightly shook me awake. I opened my eyes to see Harry seated next to me on my bed, looking down at me with a funny smile on his face. He told me I forgot to meet him downstairs and I apologized profusely for my forgetfulness. He said it was ok and flashed me that brilliant smile of his, the one that makes my heart skip a beat. All of a sudden I got an uncontrollable urge to kiss him- and I did. We did what was to be saved for marriage and now I am regretting it. Harry only slept with me because he needed me, not because he loved me. That thought made my heart ache worse. How I wish the ache would just go away…

            I slowly sat up and reached for my blue nightgown that lay forgotten on the floor. I slipped it on and stood up quietly, careful not to wake Harry. His jeans were a few inches from the bed and I picked them up, reaching into the pockets and quickly finding what I was looking for. It was the pocketknife he carried with him everywhere he went. I cast one last look at Harry before I went into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. Moonlight poured in through the small window above the bathtub. I sat down on the cold stone floor and leaned back casually against the wall. I admired the way the light hit the white porcelain of the tub and almost made it glow. I flicked the blade open with a trembling hand. The tears had stopped flowing and I concentrated on what I was about to do. Soon I would feel at home and I was looking forward to it. I held out my left wrist and took a deep breath. I made a slash and it took courage not to cry out. The second cut hurt less. I switched the blade to my left hand and made two cuts on my right wrist. I dropped the blood soaked blade on the floor with a small clink. Letting my hands fall to my sides, I watch the pool of red grow bigger around me. I feel myself weaken with every passing minute. My eyes are getting heavier and heavier and with one final deep breath I close them, welcoming the darkness and a new beginning.

To Be Continued…

A/N: Here is your part as the reader: In your review answer this question: Should Ginny survive or should she die? Find out next chapter whether she dies or she keeps on living…*****smiles evilly*****


End file.
